Size Zero?????

This year started out pretty great for me. For the first time ever I didn’t have to bother about fitting into a dress. I’ve always been a wee bit on the heavier side since childhood so I’d normally shun those oh-so-cute-n-sexy dresses that are so blatantly displayed in all stores come the new year. But like I said, I didn’t have to bother this year, all thanks to an extremely successful exercise regime I’ve been religiously following the last 7 months. Since it’s worked so well for me, I think it’s only right that I share it with those friends of mine who could some help in that department. Mostly because it’s a highly successful but little known programme.
Now I must warn you that the trainers in this regime are very hard taskmasters. And the first few days leave you aching all over. I normally start it off at 7.30 in the morning. Depending on how late I am, warm up varies from a brisk walk to an all out run and ends with a jump on to a one square foot board. Now starts the tricky part and this took me a long time to master. You’re standing on a board suspended about 4 to 5 feet off the ground and the boards moving in all possible directions. To make matters worse, you’re not the only one going through this torturous routine, there have to be at least 50 odd people crammed in all around you at the same time. So you’ve got to learn to maintain your balance and not fall on the others. This part tends to put everyone in a bad mood. So if you’re not used to hurling abuses at people, you better carry a pair of ear plugs.
Like I mentioned earlier, this is an all out workout routine that exercises all parts at once. Upper body work outs include holding on to railings attached to the ceiling. Thanks to all the swaying around of the floor, you’ve got to use your hands to stay in one place, though I admit there have been several times when I felt like my arm was being ripped out of its socket. Oh, I forgot to mention. This routine also involves a very unpleasant massage. It mostly involves being poked in the back, elbows jabbed into your ribs and stomach, and not to forget, people stepping all over your toes. It’s going to leave you black n blue all over. I come home every day with really colourful bruises but I’m pretty much used to it now.The last 2 minutes involve kicking, pushing and pulling people around so that you can make it to the door on time. Good way to learn how to get out of crowds.
I admit it sounds really painful but trust me it’s worth it. I’ve tried all sorts of diets before and none of them worked. But this is the only regime that allows me to eat everything I want and still lose weight. And the best part, it only lasts for 20 minutes!!!! No more slogging at the gym for hours just to lose a couple of kgs.
For those of you who’re interested in trying this out, these centres are pretty easy to locate.
Just walk down the road and jump into a public transport bus during peak hours. You’ll get the best work out money can buy. I'm still working towards achieving the perfect figure;-)

One Dark Night.....

New Years supposed to start with a bang right???? Well the party on new year's eve was fun but i think 2009 decided to enter my life shaken not stirred.......I need to stay away from those martinis....
NOTE:The following is based on a true incident that occured a few days ago. I have however taken the liberty of changing the names of the people involved since I have no intention of getting whipped in public. One more thing, i've been told the narraive gets boring in the middle. I've tried making amends but if its stll a bore let me know.

It was about 8.30 in the evening. In this part of the world it's pretty late. A bunch of students (me included) had just left a pretty well known college somewhere near Manipal after attending an inter-collegiate event. We were all worn out but then, when your having fun, you don't notice it. Now all of the girls' cell phones were ringing nonstop courtesy of our anxious parents since all of us had to get to manglore and thats a good 2 hours journey by bus. A few of the guys were chivalrous enough to leave the party early so that they could escort us home, they had no intention of letting the girls travel alone this late appearenty though I'm pretty sure that wasn't the only reason.
So there we were at the bus stop praying for a bus to come by soon. The bus came all right but I'm pretty sure the conductor got the shock of his life to see a bunch of 30 youngsters rushing in. That was one of the last buses for the evening and none of us wanted to be left behind. After settling in, we were out to ruin the sleep of the other passengers but screaming and shouting at the top of our voices, well what else can you expect? We were having fun.
The road from manipal to manglore is pretty scary, because the area is sparsely populated and street lights are found only at junctions. Everythings going all hunky dory until the engine starts sputtering. Now that starts giving Ria, Hina and Vinny the jitters coz the three of them had just missed being seriously injured in a bus accident the previous day. Some of the other pasengers weren't so lucky. The bus moves fine for a while but then starts making odd noises again. Ria starts panicking. Ash tries calming her down but Ria just gets more agitated.Pretty soon she's screaming and crying that she wants to get off the bus. The bus rolls to a stop and Ria jumps out that instant totally refusing to get back on the bus.The bus didnt look like it was going to start again so we all trooped out.
We had absolutely no idea where we were, no street lights or signs around anywhere. A few minutes later the conductor asked us to get in coz the engine was up and running. Ria didn't want to and we couldn't just leave her and go. So the guys requested the conductor to wait for a while until another bus came along.
Nope he didnt wait, the bus went off and we were stranded in the middle of no where. Needless to say, most of the girls started freaking out. The scene might as well have been out of some horror movie.A dark road in the middle of the jungle, no light for miles around, and boy was it chilly.
The guys finally decided to get serious. Since our group was the first to leave, Adi tried calling up the others to see if they'd left yet. Fortunately they hadn't but they were still an hour away. There wasn't much we could do. Neeta and I were actually having fun,couldn't help it. We both love the outdoors and are always game for adventure, adds some spice to an otherwise boring life. The situation would actually be pretty hilarious if it wasn't for the fact that Ria was getting hysterical.
"What now?" I asked Adi. "Well I spoke to the guys, they said they'd arrange a vehicle for you girls. Once we send you off safely we'll jump into another bus. Till then I think it'll be a good idea to walk back to the last junction. No one's gonna be able to able to see us here."
"We could stop a passing bus and get in," Ali chips in.
"yeah right, you any bus passing by is gonna be speeding. you expect them to stop?"
"Any harm in trying?"
Ali tries being the daredevil and starts a curious jig in the middle of the road once he spots a bus. Didn't work.
9.30 and still no sign of any vehicle. We'd been stranded for about 30 mins by then. Finally another bus comes by. It's crowded but the guys force us in. Ria'd calmed down by then but was still pretty upset. Anyhow, she agreed to get in and the rest of the jouney was quite uneventful. Reached manglore at round 10.30. Yes the others did get quite a lecture. Me, well, I'm enjoying the advantages of living alone. If my parents ever find out i'm pretty sure they're gonna ban me from outstation trips, but then who's gonna tell them?;-)
Still, I enjoyed the new year.

What's the hurry?????

Christmas has got to be the busiest and most irritating time of the year, the first step of course is getting home in one piece, and anyone who's traveled by the Mangalore-Udupi express buses will know it's no mean feat. The bus rides are definitely not for the faint-hearted. Besides, it is advisable not to eat anything for at least 2 hours before getting into these buses. And unless you're a death race enthusiast, never sit right next to the driver even if it’s the last seat on the bus.
So after two torturous hours of muttering prayers for making it alive this Christmas, I land at my uncle's place only to have my darling cousin, Aaron, dump a two inch thick pile of invitations on me. "Wow, that's a pretty thin pile isn't it", I mutter to no one in particular. "Ah, don't worry Yuls", Aaron chirps, a little too sweetly, "Those are just the ones addressed personally to your dad, there's another pile of invites addressed to the whole family, and you've got to attend those as well"
After a lot of excuses of I-got-lots-of-assignments and need-to-get-to-Mangalore-ASAP, us four cousins decide to go for a 'distant' relative's roce so that we could meet a lot of 'close' relatives who thankfully end up at all possible functions. Saves us the headache of visiting each one in turn. Now a roce is a weird mangie wedding tradition quite similar to a Hindu haldi ceremony. It normally takes place a day or so before the wedding and involves dunking a whole lot of coconut milk on the bride or groom, depending on who's side of the family you're from.
Recent additions by the mean, wicked, scheming band of siblings and cousins would be tomato juice (stinks real bad), eggs (this part is fun!!) and beer (considered a waste by the uncles and encouraged by the aunties, "oh, its much better, at least it reduces the booze") Oh yes, it's a lot of fun alright, except for the poor souls at the receiving end- the bride, groom, best man and bridesmaid. Why am I sympathizing with them? Well, I was the bridesmaid at my cousins wedding a year ago so I should know.
Right so there I was all geared up to meet "The Shet Khandan" of which I am a part. Yes, I know my surname's D'Souza so what’s with the Shet part? Well, D'Souza has got to be the most common catholic surname in Mangalore and all the D'Souzas, yes all of them, unfortunately are very proud people who like to think they are unique. Hence the Shet (pronounced shay-t) factor. And yes there is some long story as to why we got that name which I don't quite know properly because I never listened to all those uncles droning on and on in their boring talks. And the khandan part, well trust me the family's huge, real huge. Heck even I don't know all of them but I can be excused, I’ve only been in the country fulltime for the last two years and most of it has been spent in hostels and PGs.
Once I got through the round of meeting all the uncles and aunts and of course seeking their blessings (you'll be cursed if you forget to do that, apparently) I thought I'd sit down for a while and sort out who’s who (yes, I’m still confused, give me a break guys, when it comes to names I’m an amnesiac and this is one huge family) That's when I bumped into Ally. Ally's the one who got married last year, I was her bridesmaid. We had a lot of catching up to do. Problem was, no one warned me that marriage changes a girl drastically, Ally, who was a really fun person up until last year has turned into a different creature who eerily reminds me of my mum. You know, the sit-straight-legs-down-behave-like-a-girl lectures that mothers love to give, suddenly that’s what she's become.
"Cut it out Al, you're beginning to sound a lot like Mum"
"Yea, well I might as well start practicing. Two years back, the only question I was asked was when are you getting married. Now that I'm married, they're ready with the next question, when are you giving us some good news?"
I didn't want to be mean but I couldn't help laughing, and boy did Ally look like she wanted to strangle me for that.
That's when Ally turns into the villain of my oh-so-happy life story, "So how old are you now?"
"Uh...19"
"Ah, good so you've got about 6 more years."
"Huh??!! No, I've got only 2 more years in college. How 6?"
"Oh, no, I meant 6 more years until you get married"
"WHAT???!!!"
OK, I have no idea where that came out from. For heavens sake, I'm still in college, getting married hasn't even crossed my mind, but apparently everyone else has been making plans. As Ally explained later, since I'm the eldest girl, all my dear relatives will start giving me lectures just as I reach 23.
Freaky, yes. Scary, definitely.
What’s the hurry people?
But there's no way I was going to give Ally the satisfaction of having scared me.
"Come on Ally, you know me, there's no way I'm getting married so darn soon." that was a last ditch attempt at bravado.
"And why not???", demands an aunt who decides this is the perfect time to make a grand entry(read 'butt her nose') into a conversation that doesn't concern her at all according to me. The Manglorean aunt is a very rare species who believes it is her birthright to eavesdrop on her nephews and nieces, and their kids as well. They go about forever dispelling advice and demand your complete attention no matter what. If your aunt decides she wants to talk to you, you're expected to drop everything you do and pay rapt attention to every 'priceless' word she utters. Disobedience could cost you dearly; you'll be getting lectures from your parents about respecting your aunts, in addition to the lecture from your aunt which she's determined to give at all costs.
Getting back to aunty dear's question, and trying to ignore that evil smirk on Ally's face,
"Why not?? As of right now aunty, I can give you two simple but effective reasons, I'll think up of more later. One, I'm just 19, I'm still in college, it's my time to enjoy myself not think about marriage. Two, I'll be 21 by the time I graduate, add another two years for post graduation and I’m gonna be 23 or 24 by the time I'm through with studying. There's absolutely no way I'm getting married so soon after that so please cut me some slack (FYI, the conversation with my aunt was carried out in Konkani and I'm trying my best to give a decent translation)
"Humph!!", retorts the aunt," The problem with you girls these days is that you're too involved in your careers. Back when I was your age, girls would get married right after they finished school. Sometimes I feel education is ruining your future"
"Of course Aunty, but times are different now right?"
"You kids are too stubborn for your own good"
Thankfully Aunty dearest was called away to help in something right then and I was spared the ordeal of fighting a losing battle with her.
Ally seemed to enjoy watching me suffer.
"So Ally. had fun watching me getting the third degree?"
"Oh stop cribbing, you might as well get used to it. Been there done that, there's no escaping it. I got through my share. It's your turn now.", and she flashes that devilish grin again.

Hey Senor Santa Claus!!!!

Dear Santa
It's been almost ten years since I last wrote to you. A long time, I know. So how have you been keeping. Yes, I know it's your busy time of the year and as usual you'll reply only after Christmas but don't worry, I'll wait for your reply. Now you must be wondering why I suddenly decided to write to you after such a long time, but the reason's quite obvious isn't it? I want some presents this year. Now don't you dare say I'm being selfish, I haven't asked you for a thing the last ten years. And hey, you didn't answer my question last time around. How come your handwriting's almost like dad's? Now don't say it's not. Dad's handwriting is really distinct. Very few people can manage to decipher that scrawl.
Right so what do I want this year? I can think up of a lot of things, but I'm not going to bother you with that. A little hard work on my part and I can get the stuff I want. What I want is not something I can buy off the street. I could use a little divine intervention here. That's where you come in St. Nick(why don't people just call you St. Nick?It sounds way cuter than Santa).
I could do with two little things, and they both involve time.
First, could you like, add a few extra hours in a day? I could really use them. 20 hours don't seem enough(hey i need a minimum of 4 hours of shut eye don't I?). I'm not kidding. Not like I don't know how to manage time. I can do that pretty well(I think). But I could use a couple of extra hours of sleep.
Second,(and this is more important) is there any way to stop time for a while and go on rewind? Especially when i feel time's running too fast? Maybe you could get me a Time-turner. Because I'd really like to do a rewind and replay some of the best scenes of my life, but as a viewer, mind you. I don't want to grow younger, I just want to see a few things again. Like those times....
-when bedtime meant a story from Dad. Yes, I know most of the stories never made sense but they were fun anyway.
-the times my brother and I would irritate Mum to the core. I still remember that one huge bowl of cornflakes that she'd force into us every morning. And that's one bowl for the two of us, how else could she manage to feed two hyperactive kids? She seriously deserves an award for all the running around she did to prevent potential disasters from occurring all over the house.
-the time I won all those prizes in school, back then, getting a prize was something special.
- climbing on to Dad's shoulders and feeling like I was on top of the world.
- those long drives on the mountains that Dad would take us on in the rains and the breathtaking views out of the windows.
- swimming on the beach and building sand castles just to watch them being washed away by the tide.
-learning to swim on the beach and trying to avoid all the "goan sausages" as my cousin would call them.
-camping out with friends and going trekking.
-Mum's futile attempts to teach me crochet work and embroidery during school vacations(that does not mean that I can't manage a needle and thread).
-racing on my cycle and feeling the breeze through my hair (I never found out who stole it, and it was my favorite cycle)
-seeing my baby brother for the first time.
-all those lectures from mum and dad about how they never had things as easy as we did. I actually miss those lectures now, who would have thought;-)
-playing bluff with the whole band of cousins. Last time around it was 16 of us and we needed three packs of cards.

Well I wouldn't want to bore you with all of this. I know you are a busy guy. But you know what, I'm beginning to have second thoughts. Somehow I seem to be having more fun remembering all of this. I don't think I need a time turner. And I could do without all those dirty footprints that you tend to leave all over the place. But hey, it was nice writing to you again. And hope to hear from you soon.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Have a Heart?

The recent spate of violence all over the country has upset a vast majority of us, even those who weren't directly involved. The most recent of course is the terrorist attack in Mumbai. The fact that the terrorists gained such easy access to such prominent hotels is enough to scare the living daylights out of anyone. The loss of so many innocent lives is very disheartening, and yet another thing that gnaws at my mind is the statement that we Indians are a resilient lot, we manage to bounce back to normal routine soon.
Granted the fact that none of us likes to dwell on such issues for long, we try getting into our normal routine to get over our grief. But is this becoming a habit? Have we started accepting such brutal violence as a part of our lives?
I've lost count of the number of bombings and attacks both communal and terrorist that have taken place in India in the last two years itself. It seems to be the same story everytime. Sure the day the bombings take place, all the local people are united, they help each other out. That's good, but what after that? The government announces a paltry sum to the victims as compensation and most of the time even that rarely reaches the right hands. After that starts the blame game by the netas, all their empty promises, the speeches of 'if we were in power we would have done so and so'. Who's concerned about the grieving families? And in a couple of weeks its all forgotten about, the news channels get something new.
We've grown so used to all the violence that we seem to be practically immune to it now. I recall an incident that took place a few years ago that clearly drove that point home. On my way back home i'd come across an accident between a truck and a car. The car was a mangled wreck and quite obviously, the driver didn't survive. And yes there was a lot of blood over the place.The traffic was moving pretty slowly as they had to manoeuvre around the crash. A school bus was passing by and i doubt those kids were any more than about 12 years of age. I expected them to be upset by the sight, i knew i was, yet the only exclamation i heard from them when they saw the wreck was 'cool!!' That was not a reaction i ever thought i'd hear for an accident. But i guess that's the kind of world we live in now. We see so much of fighting, bloodshed all around us that we just kind of switch off the emotions that come up. Its just that initial; reaction, after that, time to get on with it.
I not sure if what i've just said is true. I sincerely hope its not, because if it was, if we didn't have a heart, we'd cease to be human right? But even with all this, we still come across people who are willing to reach out, who feel the pain that others do. Sure we all feel it, it's just that it takes that extra ounce of courage to reach out. So inspite of it all, there's always hope....... And lets not forget all those bravehearts who gave their lives, they deserve to be remembered.
ciao ;-)

Stuck in the 18th Centuary

oh well i came to the cyber all set to put up a post, but right now i seem to belong to a place thats about 10 years in the past!!! for heavens sake, i never expected to enter a net cafe which has no usb port. as of right now i'm busy hammering on some sort of ancient keyboard that seems to resemble a typewriter and my fingers are beginning to hurt from punching so hard. i better come up with some ideas soon to convince dad to get me a broadband connection,but considering my miserable performance in the exams, thats not likely to happen. ah well might as well put up the post later, my fingers are beginning to smart, cya ppl.....

Marathi Manoos Ya Marathi Manhoos???

This topic may have cooled down a bit right now what with Obama winning the elections splashed all over the paper[he gets more coverage than our politicians even?], the Malegaon blast investigation....and that gag order on him that finally seems to be working to an extent at least, Mr Raj Thackeray has been one irritating trouble maker for people living in Mumbai. For a person who claims to represent the whole of the Marathi manoos how come he concentrates so much only in Mumbai?
You know what Mr. Thackeray, you are yet to convince me. You say you are a ‘son of the soil’ and yet you still seem to be using the anglicized version of your name, Thackeray doesn’t sound Marathi to me or do you even know what your names supposed to be???? Poor William Thackeray will be turning in his grave just because he shares a name with you, considering the remarks you make... by the way hasn’t your son opted to study German instead of marathi? How come you don’t have an objection to that? Your aim is apparently the welfare and promotion of the cause of all marathis, and yet you love travelling in a Benz and sipping imported scotch....wow talk about blasphemy you hypocrite
Now for those of you who are wondering why this sudden outburst from a girl living miles away in manglore,dont worry I’m not losing it.....just being a little patriotic and showing some loyalty to the place where I was born and love living in...along comes Mr. Thackeray to send me packing to where???? I’m not leaving [technically I can’t I know, I’m not even in there].
But if you want some support then here’s an email I received a week or so ago....if every Indian agrees to it then maybe[and that’s a big MAYBE] I’ll move out.......keep dreaming...

1. Parliament should have only Delhites as it is located in Delhi
2. President, prime minster and all other leaders should be only from delhi
3. No hindi movie should be made in Mumbai, only marathi[like thats ever gonna happen]
4. At every state border, buses, trains, flights should be stopped and the staff changed to locals.
5. All Maharashtrians working abroad or in other states should be sent back as they are SNATCHING jobs from locals.[very important]
6. Visits to the taj mahal should be restricted to people from UP only[lets see that happen]
7. Relief for farmers in Maharashtra should NOT come from the centre coz that money is collected as tax from the whole of india, so why give it to someone in Maharashtra??
8. Lets support kashmiri militants because they are also killing and injuring innocent people for the benefit of their state and community after all.
9. Let’s throw all MNCs out of Maharashtra. They should open their own Maharashtra Microsoft, MH Pepsi and MH marutis.
10. Stop using cell phones, emails, TV, foreign movies and dramas. James Bond should speak in Marathi.
11. Maharashtrians should be ready to die hungry or buy food at 10 times higher price but should not accept food imports from other states.
12. No industry should be set up in Maharashtra if the machinery comes from outside the state.
13. Stop using trains in Maharashtra. Trains are not manufactured by Marathi manoos and the railway minister is BIHARI!!
14. Ensure that children born in Maharashtra should grow, live and die without stepping out of Maharashtra, then they will become true marathis.
So you see Mr. Thackeray, for all the things you claim to be doing for the Marathi manoos, most people have begun to consider you ‘manhoos’. Most of your supporters look like paid hoodlums who just wait for your instructions to then go smashing public property and banging up innocent people. With politicians like you whose only aim seems to be to balkanize the nations, who the heck needs external enemies????
Try as you might, i doubt you can succeed in what you’re doing. Mumbai’s a metropolis, you try sending people out you’ll not only be stealing her identity but also sending back into the middle ages. Not to mention, the whole of Mumbai will be out to skin you.
That’s about it for now, and hopefully he isn’t going to try something new.
P.S: wils I’m so sure you’d love to blast the guy even more than me;-]